"She didn't know who will leave or stay, so she pushed them all away"
I could relate to the quote above for a really long time. To me, it was intuitive that you guard your heart so it does not get exposed to al the possible pain it could get. I was cautious about trusting someone new, and I try to talk myself out of committing to anyone.
But then, after some time, my life felt very empty. I had my best friends right beside me, I had my family, I had school, I had church, I had fun times, but I still feel empty. I don't think the emptiness was due to an absence of anyone in particular, or a prospective position. I feel that it is my inability to open up to new people, new friends I met along the way. That was why I felt empty, broken and lost.
It was like a moment of revelation for me. I found the root of the problem and I was ready to conquer it.
And I am trying.
I am trying to not place my doubts over people's good intentions. I am trying to believe there is trust and there are people who mean what they say.
And I think... it's okay to hurt. It's okay to fall in love and fall hard sometimes. It's okay to cry and feel horrible about a one-sided love. Because with sadness, there is also happiness. With tears, there is also laughter. And with heartbreak, there will be moments you will also feel really really protected.
To the broken ones, to the hopeful ones, shrug your worries off. Accept the excitement life has to offer and one day, I know you'll find what love really means to you.
Love,
xin hui
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