SICK

Sigh, down with idek what but I was vomiting quite badly for the past 2 days and barely consumed more than one meal everyday. My stomach feels weird and I am tired x.x

Don't know whether to be thankful that luckilyyyy, this happened only after the end of finals. Y3S1 is officially over and I'll be giving Summit'16 (a school camp for sports leaders) a miss due to my illness. Well, I guess that gives me more time to rest before I fly off next Monday to Europe ~

Been thinking about a few things lately and how I've seemed to lose myself and the emotions in the context of things. I need more time, and I can only hope everything be a little more patient with me.

Love,
xinhui

COUNTING DOWN

Counting down to the end of finals!! I have 3 more finals - NM1101E, ACC3604 and BSP2005! 7 more days and I'm done and dusted with Y3S1 :D This sem has been quite interesting on a whole. I was quite worried taking on new responsibilities and handling my studies, but I am pretty satisfied with how things have turned out so far. I have already gotten back my Finals results for ACC3614 and it's pretty good. I just have to see how the bell curve is now hahaha. I also received back my SSA2218 project grade and it's surprisingly well. I was not very satisfied with the film we submitted, but our A+ report really saved us hahaha.

Also!! I am heading to Europe with my family this holiday ~~ Croatia is one of the destinations we're visiting!! Much excites :-) I haven't never been to Europe with my family before (if I don't count Turkey) so I am really grateful to my parents for paying for this trip. I'll be vlogging it, and I'll share it here when I am done! ^^ Vlogging on my holidays has become one of the rituals I do and it's really very nice to be able to look back at my own video and relieve those memories.

Some of the things I want to do during the holidays include
1. Do a blog post review on the modules in Y3S1. I benefitted a lot from reading other people's review on the modules they have taken so I thought I should just contribute back and share with people my honest experience.
2. Vlog my trip! <3
3. Watch Legend of The Blue Sea
4. Watch Stranger Things
5. Re-watch the Harry Potter Series! ^^
6. Blog about the happenings of Y3S1 too! Many things have happened and I'll document it here after finals eheheh

It's gonna be a fun holiday wheee~~ but back to studying for now :(

Love.
xinhui

SEPTEMBER '16

Hello hello ~~ Sorry for the lack of updates haha I've been so preoccupied with life that this has just taken a backseat.

I have a lot of commitments this semester. Being the Captain of the Canoe Polo Team, and being finance head for ClimbNUS, and juggling my studies, my social circle etc etc It's really busy, and I try my best to find a balance between everything.

Oh and can I just pop this additional extra info in here!! BOTH MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ATTACHED <3 Super happy for them, esp Charis!! I've seen her grown from her dorky days to the beautiful lady she is now, and I can't help but feel like a proud mama now :') What's even cooler is that she is dating my climbing senior from JC. Small world indeed ~

Been sick since yesterday and I really hate being sick... I have a shitload of work to do, and I can't even start because my whole body is aching, my fever just keeps getting worse and my running nose is killing the hell out of me.... The only good thing out of this is that I finally have time to rest a little more. And I am looking forward to meeting wanyu for dinner tmrw heheh

Also, I got both internship offers. One with TOMS, and the other is a start-up. I am more or less decided with which internship I'll choose, so now I just have to apply for LOA next semester le.

Okiii, back to work. Bye guys ~

Love,
Xin Hui

Patience, dear heart

Flowers bloom after a long process of rain and shine, and haste does not sweeten the process xx

Xx

WHAT HAVE WE BECOME

Heard a nice song and wanted to share it with you. Then I recall your words, and everything stopped in that instant. 

Love,

xinhui

NEW BEGINNINGS

Hello! It has been a while since I updated on this space :/ but here I go anyway! 

I started my internship one week ago, at a small auditing firm. The culture here is everything I wished for, homely and friendly. I feel at ease with my audit seniors and I am learning a bunch of stuff. If only I knew that the stuff I am learning in school is real legit, I would have put more effort into memorising the stuff HAHA. Everyone keeps saying that school and workplace knowledge is vastly different, and while it is true that they emphasize on different aspects, I would say that you're more likely to perform better at work if you put more effort into studying haha. Maybe this will give me a new found motivation to push myself in the new semester haha. 

Because of internship, I haven't found much time to hit the gym/go down more often for trainings. It's quite a pity, because there are things I really want to work on, but I have no time. Oh well, it's a matter of priorities ya? For now, I am just going to make a concerted effort to hit the gym twice a week after work, and make sure my pull-up counts don't drop down. 

Sam and I last week after gymming in school :-) Thank you for gymming with me! 

Work has been fun, but tiring.... It's the after work fun that keeps me going. It could be a simple dinner with my friends after work, or just knowing that I am going home to catch up on my favorite tv show. This 9-6pm life makes me feel like a proper grown up, and I am still learning whether this lifestyle is really the one for me. Hmmm....

Oh yes, my younger brother is back from Taiwan after his one month training for army! Can't be happier to have him back safe :-) 

Have a good weak ahead everyone!! ^^

Love,

Xin Hui

THE ONE LEFT BEHIND

Today is a Friday. The official last day of school. 

I just wanted to write somewhere where people won't ask "is everything ok?" Etc etc

Obviously, everything is not ok. There'll never be a point in my life when EVERYTHING is ok. Some things will be better than others, and some worse than others. 

This evening, I keep thinking about my relationship with a friend of mine. To be precise, I can't consider us as friends now. We used to be friendly towards each other and I always had a great time with her by my side. Since 9 March, everything just changed. She stopped talking to me, and started to avoid me. Initially, I was really clueless and I didn't know what happened. A mutual friend told me that she's angry at me about "the things I say about her to other people". Truth be told, I can't remember 

a single thing I said about her to someone else. And I love this friend dearly, so I can't imagine myself saying something bad about her to someone else. 

It hurts a lot, for many reasons. It hurts because she chose to close me out, instead of talking to me. It hurts because by choosing to close me out, I am left hanging. I am left wondering what went wrong and I feel like the abandoned one. It hurts because there's one less person to look forward seeing to at every training, at every gym session. It hurts the most, because we used to be something. Now, it has amounted to nothing.

It's like the feeling after a break-up. Or maybe even worse, cause my break-ups are usually satisfied with a closure. 

"Why don't you try to talk to her?"

I wanted to. And I really tried very hard to. I tried to initiate a conversation many many times. From tapping her shoulder, to asking her if she wanted me to help refill her water bottle, to texting her asking her whether she can return my cap to me etc etc. All I received back were cold responses. All the nonchalant looks, the blatant responses. And it all hurt. It seems like everytime I "tried" to approach her, I just leave feeling a little more helpless each time. Then I stopped trying. I stopped reaching out, and I told myself not to care. Everything today, is what she chose to let it be. She wants it to be this way. And what more can I do then. 

But it still hurts. It hurts because when I know she's avoiding me, it makes me wonder what kind of person I am. Who is Xin Hui, and what about her makes someone want to avoid her? It hurts because it's inconvenient. Given the regular trainings we have, it's inevitable that I have to meet her so very often, and it doesn't help that each time we meet, she just avoids eye contact with me completely. 

And Everytime I think to myself "Maybe I should try again to talk to her", I get very very scared. I have never felt like this my whole life. And it truly sucks. To undervalue your worth over a person. 

I don't hate her. I don't dislike her. I just wished she could have settled the misunderstanding in an upfront manner. If you don't tell me, I'll never know what's going on. I wouldn't know how you feel, and I can't do anything to solve the misunderstanding. 

It may look like I am not hurting. And I think that's because there are great and happy things happening in my life at the same time. I have amazing friends by my side, and I am truly thankful for them. But they'll never replace this void that she left. Everyone is special to me, and so is she. 

V said "let's see la. Maybe it'll get better" mmhm, that's really all I can do now. I can only wait. 

And to the one who's waiting for me. I am sorry. Because part of me knows your wait is going to be futile. And if you feel like how I feel towards her, I am sorry you have to feel like this. I never intended to make anyone feel the same way.

The one who gets left behind hurts a little more. 

Love,

Xin Hui

HOW DO I FIND BACK THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE

Honestly feeling like shit now cause I ejected during a canoe polo match today. Very unexpected, given that I had 100% trust in my rolls, but shit happens. I panicked and didn't consider the other options etc.

The embarrassment is real. But the hardest obstacle to cross is facing myself once more. It's about picking up from where I left off, and proving myself wrong. I find it so easy to advice others, but hardest to believe myself.

I made mistakes. And I need to get over it. How? I have no idea. In times like these, I thank God for good pals by my side.

But really, I know the only way I can recover from this is to do even better tomorrow.

So, pls pls pls God, let tomorrow be my redeeming grace.

Love,
Xin Hui

IN A BETTER PLACE

Be in a better state of mind

Be in better control of your emotions 

Events that occur beyond your control do not define how you feel. You can choose happiness. 

And today, I choose to be happy. I choose to be optimistic and not worry about the unknown. Take life as it comes, and put your best foot forth. 

Because, if you do your best, God will do the rest. 

Dressed for a lounge-y Thursday. 

Love,

Xin hui 

WEEK 6 HAPPINESS

Had such a fantastic week and I really can't thank God enough. For what seemed like a boring week of lessons and deadlines, I actually had a really fun and fulfilling time this week. Started Monday with a positive outlook and didn't fall asleep in my ACC3601 seminar like for the FIRST TIME. HAHAH I can't be grateful enough. 

I went to paddle in the morning on Tuesday and was quite happy with my improvement. Hehe it really goes to show that hard work pays off and I am more committed to putting in more effort for the upcoming competition :) I then went to school and had lunch with Sam. Really missed this girl a lot and happy to have caught up with her. Studied with Viandra (productive studying sesh!!), went for rock climbing, and gymmed with Viandra after. It may sound very hectic, but I went to sleep feeling very accomplished that night. 

On Wednesday, I had only one lesson so I reached home rather early and started studying all the way till nightfall. It wasn't very productive cause I can't really concentrate at home but still happy that I was at home resting hahah. School can be really tiring sometimes. Oh and I managed to finish all my tutorials and revise for my test on Thursday so I guess that's quite something too!! 

Thursday was amazing. I had the most enjoyable tax lesson because I learnt so many things and it was like one of the rare times I found school interesting. The test was really very easy because it was an open book exam HAHAHAH. Went to Elsa's room to slack and I was quite thankful that she is such a so considerate and generous person. She told me to "take anything I want" hahaha and gave me her wifi password #friendsforlife

HAHAH. I didn't take any food though, cause I am not a greedy pig HAHAH 

After, I went for another gym session with my Canoe Polo teammates. I really feel like I have become a lot more closer to them, and I even managed to find a teammate crazy and playful enough to play with me HAHAH. I think I am generally a very playful person, but there's too many serious people in university and I haven't found someone whom I can really have fun with since secondary school. But Sijie is a monkey at heart and we did super retarded things like trying to throw grass inside each other's shirt. HAHAHA sorry for the childishness. That's me :P 

I went to school to study today (Friday) and it was really quite productive!! I managed to finish both group projects and I think I can focus more on revision during the upcoming recess week. 

God, thank you. Thank you for looking after me, and surrounding me with amazing people. People who look after me, people who play with me, people who are genuinely concerned about me and people who want to be my friends :') You always have a perfect plan for me, and I will trust You, always. 

I hope all of you had a great week too! And if not, remember to stay optimistic. Tomorrow will be better!! 

Love, 

Xin Hui

FEBRUARY DREAMIN'

February 2016.

Wow.

I think 2016 has been quite an ok journey as of now. My biggest accomplishment would be completing NTU Opens which I would consider my first legit canoe polo competition cause the KL competition was shit hahah. Left NTU Opens with a lot of regrets, because I knew I could do a lot better. But, there were also moments that I made myself proud, and I am going to come back faster, stronger and better.

NTU Opens taught me teamwork on and off court, and blew me away with amazing game play from some of the teams. I am going to continue using this motivation to keep on improving. SP Opens is the next upcoming competition which is around late March period, so no more looking back in regrets. I can only go on forward from now on. I hope by then, our team would have made vast improvements and do well.

School has been pretty alright. I am loving my Public Health in Action module because I learnt a lot more about the interlink between health and community. It is rather interesting and the workload is relatively ok, hahah. Taxation is my favourite Accounting mod of the sem, but the module requires much understanding of the statutes, and can be quite tedious. Assurance is rather ok, but it might get tougher as the weeks go by and Corporate accounting is so... dreadful.... hahah lessons are so dry and I find myself zoning out all the time. GOT TO STOP. Decided to print out all my lecture notes this sem so that I can concentrate better!! I can do it!!! :-)

I have begun to realise that this blog is rather unattended to now, and that's only cause I have so many responsibilities on hand, so I can't find time to update this space and also, I don't have much to blog about hahaha. My school life is pretty standard.... so thank you all for coming back occasionally to read hahah

On another note, CNY is coming soon!!!!! Pretty excited and eager to meet my whole extended family again :-) I hope everyone is having a good time, and if you're not, please remember that a bad morning doesn't result in a bad day, and a bad day does not equal to a bad life.

Sending all tired souls hugs and kisses

Love,
Xin Hui

PS. Thanks guys for worrying about me about my previous post but I am ok now. Things have passed and I learnt from that episode that there are limits to what we can do.

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind

Energy spurts, Regretful decisions

Whenever I am too full of energy, I tend to get very excited, very chirpy, very lively. And most of the time, it's not a hindrance in any way. I feel happier, lighter and free. 

But once in a while, these energy spurts become a bad thing. I say the "wrong" words, do the "wrong" things and it just ends up making everything worse. 

And it's "wrong" not because I truly think it is, but people take it the way I didn't expect them to, and they feel offended. How then, do I tell them, that it was never my intention to upset anyone, that that was a combination of my mood, environment and thoughts, carried out in the wrong place and the wrong time? 

I just stay silent. Because anything else would make it worse. Anything else would make me seem worse than they think I already am. 

Love,

Xin Hui

Xx

So glad we're getting closer. 

You used to be something distant. 

Through laughter and jokes, 

We managed to break the barrier. 

What will the future hold? 

Love,

Xin Hui

BEGIN 2016 RIGHT

Happy new year!!! I had a wonderful time ushering in the new year with my family. My siblings and I ate KFC cause our parents went out with their friends but not complaining! We all love fast food :P We then watched the countdown show and went to sleep hahaha. Lots of my friends were partying as evident on their snapchat but that's not my kind of thing now hahah. I know how in earlier posts, I have said I liked clubbing and proclaimed it to be Singapore's most exciting night time activity, but I think I phased out. I have only clubbed once last semester with Charis and Sam and that's it. Hahah I am getting slowly irritated by the loud music, glaring rays and I never really liked alcohol anyway :)

Kind of glad I am over the clubbing phase, in fact! Sleep > Club for me now heheh. 

So anyway! Spent the evening of New Year's Day eating steamboat/BBQ with a family friend and my family at our rooftop and it was delicious!! ^^

Second day of the New Year now and it's 7:05am. Going to Pandan Reservoir for Canoe Polo Training :( why so earlyyy, seriously not liking the early timing of Saturday trainings! The next competition is on the 9th and even though I am excited for it, I am also quite scared because I don't think my team is ready for it. Oh wells, just do my best first!! 

So another exciting news (for me) is that I recently caught the reading bug! I hate reading books in the past but I am onto my second book this week already! Is it new year new beginnings??? Hahah but I really want to recommend this book called In Order To Live by Yeonmi Park. It's an autobiography about a North Korean Girl escaping North Korea, but landed in the hands of human traffickers, and talks about her difficult path to freedom. It's very inspirational and offers me a different perspective on life. I finished the book within a day, and I don't think a book has ever impacted me this much. 

Met Winnie and Faith recently to catch up and we ate creamier!! Yay to ice cream ^^

Oh! And also celebrated Christmas at my place with my favorite girl pals :> Thankful for them.

The new school semester is beginning in 9 days and I am already dreading the exams hahah. Last semester's exams really scarred me Sianz. Not that I am afraid of the paper, but the amount of preparation that goes into it just pisses me off HAHAH. Oh well, I am just going to pray hard and do everything through God's strength! :) 

I wish all my friends a fantastic 2016! May your 2016 be a year of growth and fun times :> 

Love,

Xin Hui

2015

2015 Reflections

2015 has been a great year and even though it wasn't a time of continuous joy, it's the downs that create life too. I chose to give some people new chances and I gave myself new chances too. I broke up but learnt that walking away doesn't always mean giving up. I made decisions that I never would have made in the past, and through that, I see what matters most to me. 

I took on many many responsibilities in 2015, especially for my last semester. And when people didn't think I would make it, I did. I juggled my family, friends, 3 CCAs, volunteering, grades and church  and I think I did pretty ok! Haha. 

I saw a "new" side to my generation through attending school camps, and the biggest lesson is to never judge a book based on its cover. 

I learnt that family cannot be taken for granted, and it's never too young to show gratitude towards our parents. Be it complimenting them once a day on how nice that dress looks, or helping out with household chores, or bringing them out for a meal, there are countless of ways to show gratitude and it's time to start. I'll be working hard on it in 2016. 

I have travelled to many countries in 2015! Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia and Australia! Grateful to have met amazing people along the way and I have forged unforgettable memories. I'll be cutting down on traveling in 2016 because I have new goals to reach but I know the traveling spirit will never die :> 

I described 2014 as blessed and 2015 is no different. God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life, and every year, that verse is reaffirmed! A new year is always exciting and I am ready to take on 2016.

Love,

Xin Hui